Kris Masterson

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A caffeine dependent life form, Kris is a pale, awkward and short swamp witch, hatched at the Hidden Valley Ranch Factory (with crayons and pizza in her claws) and brought to life by benevolent fae. She was raised by purple hyenas in Colorado, and spent some time under a rock in Florida with only colored pencils and narcissistic slugs as company. She worked for the TSA at the Ft. Lauderdale airport for four years, where she learned how to give a proper full body cavity search and that everyone hates airports. Also, uniforms are not for her.

So she took Meatloaf's scissors out of his carry-on, cut her ties with TSA, and hopped on her majestic grumpy unicorn to pursue her passion as an artist. She studied the Dark Arts under Lord Sauron until the sorting hat put her in house Hufflebutt and the Grand Wizards gave her a tattoo license in 2008. Since then, she has been in search of sleep, sanity and the Shire, but has never stopped striving to grow and learn as both an artist and a cryptid.

Kris had no formal art training, but she never had a social life either, so drew what she saw in cartoons, comic books and Playboy magazines until her own characteristic style emerged. Customers have lovingly referred to her as the Gothic Lisa Frank, or “Enchantingly Vulgar.” The girl definitely cusses too much, has the humor of a 13 year old boy, makes weird random noises and does not eat her veggies.

This artist loves tattooing mermaids, pin-ups, cute animals, new school and evil shit. She draws a lot of naked women, but we promise she is perfectly capable of drawing tattoos without nipples if you prefer, and she has no problem putting clothes on your pinup.

A color whore and professional napper and procrastinator, Kris has been diabetical since 1992, and 43% lesbian since the year 2000. The girl has been domesticated, and she’s almost potty trained. In her spare time, she stunt doubles for Krampus, marinates in English Bulldog farts and serves the cat overlords. She is not sure of how many problems she has, but math is one of them. She is not smart, but she does wear glasses. Also, her socks never match.
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